“Can there be love here too?”
My therapist colleague and dear friend offered me this beautiful phrase that helped me to gently shift my mind from resistance to compassion. Her therapist offered it to her, she presented it to me, and now I’m sharing it with you.
When I heard it, I immediately softed. Oh right, YES there can be love here too. It doesn’t have to be 100% all the hard stuff. The sticky icky can still exist with love here too.
So often when we are having a challenging experience, all we feel is the shittiness. We zone in on it and forget everything else. Our minds obsess over the pain, playing it on repeat in our heads, while resisting the feelings in our bodies. We get sucked into a trap and feel overwhelmed by the “negative” stuff.
While it’s important to bring insight to your thoughts and to process your emotions, it’s also important to do so with sensitivity and tenderness. It first requires you to notice that you are suffering, and then bring in the love. “Can there be love here too?” The answer is always yes. There is always room for love among whatever other emotion you are feeling.
2. “This too”
When you notice an uncomfortable emotion, thought, or sensation, instead of rejecting or resisting it, you can bring a subtle acceptance to it by stating “this too.” This attitude brings a gentle embrace towards what is presently here.
To notice what is arising and welcome it with a “this too” can put you more into a flow state rather than a state of stuckness.
You can do this as a meditation practice, or throughout the day when uncomfortable things arise in your body.
As a meditation practice, find a quiet and comfortable seat, close your eyes, and notice what arises in your body and consciousness. Every thought, every emotion, every sensation, even any resistance to the whole process, greet it all with a loving “this too.” You can say this phrase out loud or in your head.
3.“Instead of what if, what IS?”
I heard this on Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things podcast. So often we focus on the millions of “what if’s” that it totally overwhelms our nervous systems and we get stuck in fight or flight. This simple phrase can gently shift your awareness from future worries to present awareness. Always coming back to this very moment, which is all we truly have, can be healing and calming.
You can begin to look around you, notice your immediate surroundings. What IS around me? What IS it that I am currently grateful for? What IS letting me know I’m ok right now? What IS going on right this moment that I can relax into?
Whatever IS actually currently happening is always more powerful than what could happen in the future that might be scary or upsetting.
Bringing your awareness back to the present moment and to what is, can be very grounding, and can make you realize and remember that you are actually OK right this moment.
MUCH LOVE,
Eliza
